I tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition, yawn and stretch and try to come to life…
But actually, this is me every single morning. It’s usually done at 8:48 a.m. when I have a call at 9 a.m., but that’s not as important as the fact that it’s part of my quarantine routine and it’s what works for me (if you work with me please pretend you didn’t read that stuff about the 9 a.m. calls).
Being clinically depressed while physically distancing is hard enough as it is, so I’ve tried to simplify my existence in a way that feels comfortable and natural to me, while still giving myself grace when things get tough. I’m not a life coach, but I have learned a lot about being compassionate to myself during this time and want to share with friends who are having a serious case of the sads (or, like, actual clinical depression like me).
I will *never* tell you to stop wearing sweats or leggings or even pajamas *cough cough LA Times cough cough* but I do recommend changing into something that is different from what you were sleeping in.
I am not ashamed to say that I have taken off my PJs and then put on a different set of PJs to wear for the rest of the day. Comfort is key, but it makes me feel like more of a human and less of a potato when I’m not wearing what I wore to bed.
I get a rush of serotonin when I get something done. But this tip is specifically NOT work related. Instead, I’m redefining productivity as something good for yourself or your space. This could be vacuuming, color coding your closet, folding the clean laundry that has been in your hamper for 3 days (@me).
I will not lie to you. I never made my bed before COVID-19 (unless I was taking a picture of my cute throw pillows for Instagram). Other than that, it stayed messy. Why, you may ask? Because I was just going to get back into it!
For some reason, making my bed every day now gives me some sort of weird purpose. When I’m depressed, I feel useless. If I get literally nothing done throughout the day (sometimes it be like that), I at least made my bed. Go me!! I also love a midday shower. It’s like, surprise! I’m clean at a random hour! Feels exciting.
To me, this is the most important part. I simply must do my skin care routine, brush my teeth, and take my meds to have a semblance of normalcy in my life. I know that it seems unimportant (apart from the meds), but keeping up with my skin care feels nice in the sense that it’s kind of basic and doesn’t require me to think about the state of the world.
Instead, I can lament about my latest stress pimple or test out new sunscreens for when I will finally be able to see the sun again. Plus, it’s key to moisturize if you’ve been crying as much as I have.
I’m yelling but it’s only because I need to hear it too! It’s so easy to just be glued to your computer the entire day since you’re bored in the house and you’re in the house bored. But seriously, whether you’re working, refreshing the unemployment website, or watching YouTube videos, you’ve got to take a break.
Often we get attached to sitting at the computer all day long because it gives us the semblance that we’re being productive, even if we’re just spiraling because of depression brain (again @me). Damn, I am calling myself out in this piece.
But being away from the computer doesn’t mean you’re not doing the best you can. I feel huge burdens of guilt when I step away from my work, especially because I’ve had such a hard time remaining productive during this time (it’s the depression again).
It’s really important for me to break up my day, though, or I’ll feel even worse having done nothing but stare at the same report for 9 hours straight.
My favorite midday activity is going outside (while practicing physical distancing) and just remembering what air smells like. Going on that walk does 10x more for my mental health and productivity than another 2 hours in front of my screen any day.
As all of my editors know, I’ve been depressed AF lately. The reason they know is because I told them. It’s not necessary to divulge to colleagues about your mental illnesses, but I find that acknowledging when I really need time to heal and rest is powerful. If I can’t get work done because I’m too depressed to function, that is OK! I have to remind myself of this every single day, but there are days when we just have to sit in our feelings and work them out — without the interruptions of work or other responsibilities.
I try to have at least an hour in the day when I try not to think about work or coronavirus. This doesn’t always happen, but when it does, I usually avoid the late-night sobbing that has been happening since I started self-isolation.
If it’s getting harder to cope with things, try confiding in a few friends about your depression. Ask them to give you a call at 5 or 6 p.m. so you can socialize a little after work hours. Sobbing hysterically over FaceTime is socialization don’t @ me. But seriously, acknowledging how shitty you might feel and sharing it with friends can make you feel a lot less mentally isolated, even when we’re physically isolating.
My roommates turned me onto this actually. I was having a really hard time seeing the good in the world and was feeling very helpless to make things better for myself or others. They had both been doing gratitude lists daily, which helped them ground themselves a lot.
Since I struggle with mental illnesses, some days I’m just saying thank you to my body for simply letting me wake up and go to sleep. Other days, I can thank myself for frantically cleaning every single part of my apartment, baking a lemon pound cake, and roasting a chicken. I contain multitudes.
Have a wind down routine for the evening! If you’re like me your depression (and her evil twin, anxiety) are worse at night. Having a sleep hygiene routine automatically cues my brain that it’s now sleep time not cry time. Sometimes, they overlap but not wanting to mess up my skin care routine is a good reason to stop crying. You won’t catch me depuffing my under eyes TWICE. The nighttime routine is different for everyone, but mine looks like this:
- Realize it’s 10 p.m. Proclaim loudly, “Oh my God how is it 10 p.m.?! This day flew by.” You must say this even if the day felt very long. It’s just part of the routine, sorry.
- Do more skin care. If I don’t come out of quarantine looking like a Glossier model, I’m going to have to speak with a manager. Which manager I need to speak with is unclear, but at least I’ll be somewhere where there are managers.
- Brush my teeth. ORAL HYGIENE!! I don’t even know if dentists are open right now, so you better floss, too.
- Try to put my phone down. Pick it back up. Put it back down. Pick it back up. Put it back down.
- Lay in bed having an existential crisis (optional).
- Masturbate! Unless you’re quarantining with a partner or breaking all the rules, you’ve probably got some sexual energy to let out. Self-love!
- Pass the f*ck out.
This is a wild card. It doesn’t really matter if you do this on the weekdays or the weekend, but I have found an inordinate amount of joy in making stuff. Some people are crafty and are making DIY projects from Pinterest. Some of y’all are making masks for yourselves and your friends.
I am making food… so much food.
I have baked a plethora of breads, cakes, and cookies. I’ve fought (and am still fighting) against my sourdough starter enemy. I don’t know what it is, but creating something is very satisfying when you feel like poop. I feel so validated knowing I can ~create~ despite having what the kids call “smooth brain.”
It is on my most depressed days that I drag myself to the kitchen — hair up in a messy bun, skin weirdly dry from tears, phone covered in flour — that I make my best baked goods. Opening the oven up to see a pretty loaf of bread that YOU MADE WITH YOUR BARE HANDS is: *chef’s kiss*
Have an actual weekend
If you’re at home all the time, the days start to blend together. This makes it hard to differentiate between your work days and your rest days. Since I work full time and write on the side, I often have to work on the weekends. During this social distancing period, though, I’ve given myself more time to relax and be compassionate with myself.
I don’t set alarms on Saturday or Sunday because I think it’s OK to sleep in until your body decides it’s time to get up. I also choose one day to do zero work. Not even one email will be sent. This helps me dedicate a whole day to me.
Add in a global pandemic that makes you have to distance yourself from all of your loved ones and you have a mental illness disaster at hand. This schedule I’ve put together for myself is not a cure-all, but it does at least help me keep my baseline emotions from plummeting too deep into hopelessness.
That being said, I cry nearly every day and I let myself because times are tough. And at the end of the day, at least my bed is made!
Reina Sultan (she/her) is a Lebanese-American Muslim woman working on gender and conflict issues at her nine-to-five. Her work can also be found in Huffington Post, Rewire.News, Wear Your Voice Mag, and Rantt. Follow @SultanReina on Twitter for endless hot takes and photos of her extremely cute cats.
Feeling empty can sometimes manifest as a sense of loneliness, confusion about your life and goals, or lack of motivation to pursue anything in life. Everyone might feel this void in their heart from time to time.What do you say to someone who feels empty? ›
- You're right, this sucks. ...
- You don't walk this path alone. ...
- I believe in you… ...
- How can I help? ...
- I'm here if you want to talk (walk, go shopping, get a bit to eat, etc.). ...
- I know it's hard to see this right now, but it's only temporary…
Finding Meaning And Purpose In Life
Searching for meaning and purpose in life may help with overcoming a sense of emptiness. One example of a way to find meaning can be to participate in enjoyable and fulfilling pursuits like hobbies or sports.
Causes of Emptiness
“These experiences might include the loss of a loved one, rejection or distinct difficulty finding meaning and fulfillment in their lives.” Other factors that may lead to a feeling of emptiness include boredom, stress, communication issues and lack of emotional connection with others, adds Del Toro.
Experiencing phases of feeling empty or disconnected can also be normal in a long-term relationship or marriage, but if the feelings persist, it may be a sign there are issues that need to be addressed. A few causes of feeling empty in a relationship include: Over-dependence on partner to meet all emotional needs.What is emptiness in a relationship? ›
“Emptiness” is often a symptom of unresolved pain. For example, somewhere in your past relationships, an emotional wound was left unhealed. Such wounds are most often caused by someone intimately close, such as a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a lover.How do you tell someone they make you feel unloved? ›
Express Your Feelings To Your Partner
You may want to try to tell your partner specific instances of how they have made you feel unwanted to help them understand. Just stating, "You have been making me feel unwanted lately," may not very helpful for your partner, so it can be beneficial to be clear with them.
Cognitive behavioral therapy, a type of therapy that helps individuals adjust their thoughts in order to positively influence emotions and behavior, has been shown to be effective for treating feelings of worthlessness.How do you cheer up someone emotionally drained? ›
- Send a cute animal photo. ...
- Plan a game night with a group. ...
- Reach out first. ...
- Do an extra chore. ...
- Send a motivational text. ...
- Watch a movie together. ...
- If you live near them, plan a socially distant outing! ...
- Send a letter.
Passing feelings of depersonalization or derealization are common and aren't necessarily a cause for concern. But ongoing or severe feelings of detachment and distortion of your surroundings can be a sign of depersonalization-derealization disorder or another physical or mental health disorder.
The six rubrics which the notion of emptiness is used in the Zen tradition are lack of ownbeing, formlessness of ultimate reality, distinctionless state of meditative consciousness, no-mind in the action of non-action, emptiness (or emptying) of emptiness, and emptiness of words.How do I get rid of emptiness after a break up? ›
- Take a walk and admire the beauty of the day.
- Watch your favorite movie or TV show.
- Read a good book while drinking a favorite beverage.
- Spend time with family or friends who support you.
- Pray and/or tap into your spiritual side.
Feeling empty is a common symptom of anxiety and stress. There are many causes such as chronic stress, overly anxious behavior, depressive behavior, fatigue, and sleep deprivation. There can be nutritional causes, as well.How do you fill a void in your life? ›
- Dig deep down within yourself to understand your feelings. We can't solve the problem if we don't first understand it. ...
- Allow yourself some sort of outlet for your emotions. ...
- Commit to loving yourself, no matter what. ...
- Get involved in activities that make you happy.
- Be there. If you think somebody might need to talk, trust your instincts and strike up a conversation. ...
- Reassure them. Let them know that feeling lonely is completely normal. ...
- Be patient. ...
- First, validate their feelings. ...
- Then, ask a question that helps invite reflection. ...
- Utilize the two A's—affirm and ask—to see how you can help. ...
- Encourage them to reach out when they're feeling down. ...
- Make a plan with them to do something fun digitally.
- How to Approach Someone Who May be Suicidal and What to Say.
- Step 1: Ask them – “Are you OK?”
- Step 2: Expect the Answer – “I'm fine”
- Step 3: Be Specific.
- Step 4: Listen, and Reflect.
- Step 5: Let Them Know They are Not Alone.
- Step 6: Reinforce that Treatment is Effective.
- Step 7: Guide Them to Get Professional Help.
- Let them know you care and are there to listen.
- Accept them as they are, without judging them.
- Gently encourage them to help themselves – for example, by staying physically active, eating a balanced diet and doing things they enjoy.